ingenue (big words are more specific)

i wish you were lucid
i wish i understood
these nights i lie awake
i've done everything i should
but your lack of specificity
is quite confusing for me

i wish this not to be ephemeral
i wish this not to be an imbroglio
you imbue this feeling inside me
and so im curious to see
where this all may lead

though i find our situation serendipitous...

i dont want to play the part of the ingenue
that just happened to fall for a guy like you

[the ingenue that fell for you
the ingenue that fell for you]

Let Go Already

old habits die hard 

moving on is better

one will do it sooner

sooner than the other

alone tonight 

waiting for the other

but how long is the wait

just to have another

maybe its wrong

not meant to be 

but who will come around

i guess soon we'll see

girls in picture frames

holding on to fragile souls

hopeful i am, they fall

catching one

can't catch them all

why do we hold on so tight 

when falling relieves the fear of height.

i guess i'll never understand

until then,this is the end.

Meteor Shower

Bright in my northern sky.
Caught by my northern eye.

Tiny glimpses of light.

Hardly in sight.

They fly by before I can think.

I might miss them if I blink.

So I lie staring up at the sky.

Seeing life through a fish’s eye.

True North.

I want to drop everything and pick up a map
take the road less travelled and never come back
haven't lived too long yet but of this I'm sure
I'm sick from many things and traveling is the cure


well I don't have much money, suppose I don't have much time
but this summer is in full swing and my time is all mine
so I'll pack what I need and jump in the car
though knowing me I won't get too far


sometimes I trick myself into thinking that this life is enough
I have some plans for my future, though the blueprints are rough
I wish I could stop thinking and just follow my heart
but what I want and what i need are simply too far apart


one of these days I'll be on my way and I know I'll look back
as long as I keep pushing forward my past won't attack
So before I go I will need one thing from all of you 
I need you to convince me I'll be alright as long as my way is true.

Thunder Storm

i look up to see a crack in the sky
a glimpse of heaven breaking through
but its gone within the second
a loud rumbling noise following its presence

rain pours down outside
as i stare out through my window
dare to move? i ask
and then i answer back
for it is for such tiny glimpses that i sit here living
it would be a waste to let the day go by without  such a feeling

i run outside and let it engulf my skin
watch the water droplets make their journey down from heaven
maybe its strange that as i stood their soaking
i couldn't help but smile and enjoy that moment
as the water forms a new skin
the short life that weighs on me feels as if it has yet to begin

dreams never die

i want to be 18 forever. i want things in my life to get better.

i don't want to worry about what i look like on the outside.

nor to question how i feel on the inside.

i want to have a friend always there by my side.

i want to have God always there as my guide.

and when i finally say 'i love you' i really want to mean it.

i want to find someone that i can live my dreams with.

i want to live to see the day where liberty and peace actually mean shit.

it's sad to say but as of now i can't foresee it.

i want to help others in the world any way that i can.

i want to see the day our government finally gets a new plan.

i want to bring others to the light, help them understand. 

this world is not just ours alone but everything on, above, and below the land.

i want to write music to inspire

let all the world's people be my choir

i want to look to the sky and see the stars blazing on fire. 

and when i see one shooting across the night sky.

i won't even have to make a wish because my dreams never die...

Summer.

its crazy..
how a beautiful day can make such a difference in your overall attitude on life.
a long bike ride on that beautiful day can awaken your mind.
a good talk with a friend can comfort you.
nature can make you feel so much more alive inside.
all these things together make you believe in Mashiach's presence.

☮&♥

From The End Of A New Beginning To The Next

Summer break.
What am i to do now? 
Before i got back i had all these expectations, all these things i wanted to get done. But since i got home, just yesterday, i already find myself sitting on my ass thinking about how i need to get a job...or some more friends...either one works. 
I have realized that it is not good to set high expectations for something because once you do that anything below what you expected seems miserable. If you set the bar high and don't reach it, there is a void. Setting low expectations makes things seem better than ever...the smallest things are enjoyed much more thoroughly when you are expecting them to completely suck.


I forgot how much more thinking i do when i am home; maybe it is this room, this house, this town. Most likely it is all of the above.
I need to stop that. thinking. i do way too much of it. it keeps me up at night.
At night my thoughts are a random spew of my life flashing before my eyes. 
I think about the past: things i should have done, what i could have done better, what played out perfectly and what moments I would never change; 
the present: how I am going to spend my time day to day, things i need to get done, am I missing out on anything;
the future: am I making the right choices about the future, will i be happy with those choices, who will i meet, who will i be.


Not only is it enough that i have continuous streams of thoughts about my own hopes and worries but I also worry for other people: my family and my friends. I have a problem. Or maybe I have many problems. Kelly, Wendels that is, told me yesterday that i am one of those crazy people who thinks they have a million problems that need to be fixed. Thanks Kelly. That makes me feel better. :)
I do slightly agree with her though, no matter how ridiculous that sounds.


So, summer break is here, but its not really summer at all.  
It was really warm when i was in East Lansing and that made me excited for some nice weather in Traverse City, but when i got here i layered on the clothing and continue to be depressed about it. Another expectation that was not met, however small, it still effects me.
I suppose that there is not much i can do about my thought processes, but i can control what i make of the next 4 months at home. I am going to start doing that. Maybe over the next 4 months I'll write more often on this blog, but i wont set any expectations to.