Sunday, February 14, 2010

Just Some Story... :)

It was a regular Thursday night. She settled in her bed around 12, watched a bit of TV, and as she grew more tired, decided to turn it off and let her eyelids rest. Just as she was about to doze off, she heard a knock on the front door of her apartment.
Immediately she thought of her roommate, who had been out all night and could possibly be having drunken trouble getting her key to work. Slightly annoyed, she got up out of bed and made her way to the front door. Being cautious she called out her roommates name in question. No response. Once again she called. For a second she worried, until she heard a man's voice respond. "It's Charlie" a voice called out. She stood in question, this was the last person she had expected.
It was her ex-boyfriend of two years who had just recently broken it off and broken her heart. She hesitated to answer, she was now in a new relationship and was suspicious of what Charlie could possibly want from her. Finally, she opened the door and faced him. He stood still, looking cold as the winter night grew older. In his hand was an envelope that he immediately handed her. "Hello?!", she said. "Hi", he responded. She invited him in still questioning his purpose for being there. As he entered the apartment he gave no answer to her questions but urged her to read the long note that now sat in the envelope in her hands. She sat down on the couch and opened the envelope, pulling out a typed, five page letter. Slowly, she opened it up and began to read. The note spoke of what he could not put into spoken words. He missed her, and knew he had made a mistake. He knew she was in a new relationship but begged her to take him back anyway. As she read, a steady stream of tears began, making it more difficult for her to continue on as she wiped them from her face. She was confused as she read the last sentence, "don't make any decisions until you see the video". "Video?", she thought. She looked to him, once again in question (this night was full of question). Right then, he pulled a dvd from his pocket and handed it to her.
She stood, wiping what she knew would not be the last of her tears from her face. She inserted the dvd then positioned herself back on the couch next to him. The dvd was filled with old pictures of them together and even contained a poem he had written for her. Any girl outside this circumstance would have given in right then, but she knew, especially with Charlie, she should take everything with a grain of salt. As she looked on, more tears streamed down her face. "What next?" she wondered. As the last slide appeared on the screen her heart stopped. It was a picture of a ring, a beautiful one at that. She turned to him as he pulled out the exact ring explaining it's purpose. A promise ring. (that cost far too much may I add) He pleaded her to take it, to take him back, to forgive him for his mistakes. He wanted to be a better man, he explained. She was flattered that he had gone to such lengths to win her back but at the same time she knew him... He probably got lonely and then learned of her new boyfriend and got jealous and felt more lonely, then lost. After all, a lot of his friends were getting married or were at least in serious relationships by now and he was feeling the pressure. They spoke for hours, about their past, what he thought could be the possible future and what she undoubtedly knew was their end, before she finally built up the courage to send him home, ring in hand, heart empty and a few hours drive back home ahead of him.
As she turned from the door, finally on her way back to her bed for a now shorter night's sleep than she had originally hoped for, she prided herself in her strength and reassured herself that she had made the right choice. Slipping back under her covers, she easily drifted off to sleep, physically and emotionally drained. She needed some sleep, the weekend fast approached and she had plans with that new boyfriend who she hoped was someone worth a promise.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Olympics


There is something strikingly momentous and breathtakingly unbelievable about the Olympics. It is the only thing that has ever brought this entire world together in peace. How could something like this ever be done? I have no idea. But as I watch the opening ceremony I can't help but get chills. Thank God for the Olympics.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Novelty vs. Predictability

So what's next? I ask myself this question everyday. I wake up to a new day but it always feels the same. I am ready for an entire new book but have yet to move on to a new chapter. Where does this leave me? I feel lost in translation somehow. I have so many aspirations, so many dreams. So many things pull me down to what I have become. When I was younger it used to be so easy...I would wake up every day with a new schedule or a new adventure, it didn't even need to be planned. I want to be novelty. I guess I don't know what the word means anymore. Here I am at a school that I hate, I almost feel as if school is not for me at all. I don't even know who I am anymore, I am just a mold of something that society has made me. So I claim to be an individual. What does it mean to be an "individual" in this day and age?

Is it rude to say that i could use some new friends in my life, people who will take me places. Maybe this new friend I speak of is really myself... I need a new self? Well that just sounds ridiculous. I think what I am really striving for is to be less predictable. Breckenridge, Colorado here I come! Is that crazy enough? Is that distinguishable? Here I have grown up in a town that I couldn't wait to get out of and now that I am gone I find myself counting down the days until I get to go home. Traverse City, you never let me down... I find my old self, the self I really miss, there. Maybe I shouldn't go so far away. But maybe I still need to find that place I set out to find. Maybe there is a different place where I can find myself a new. Until then I'll confide in some good music, a good read, or a good friend.

Untitled 2


"Close my eyes. Open my eyes.
Slow to rise. Morning sighs.
Another day calls my name.
But I'd rather stay sleeping, keep dreaming.
Because it's hard enough falling asleep with all these thoughts in my mind.
Can't stop wishing, living for another time.

Sleep, wake.
Dreams don't come easily.
Because I'm always dreaming, probably.
Shake, awake.
Finding refuge hard to take.
So I lie awake.

Close my mouth. Open my mouth.
What I want to say never seems to come out.
My mind keep racing, the people in need are not worth saving?
Who is left to speak for them?. surely not these pieces of paper, letters written, sighned petitions.

Sleep, wake.
Dreams don't come easily.
Because I'm always dreaming, probably.
Shake, awake.
Finding refuge hard to take.
So I lie awake.

What is there to do when your closest friends don't even have time for you?
When days go by... Hear the children far away cry.
No one is there to save them
But you've got some money and you're saving.
If your own life just does not suffice, you can always make someone elses.
Maybe then you can fall asleep, someone elses soul you keep.
So far away from the busy world, through their life you feel concoled.
Give a lot to gain even more.
How can some not agree with that way of thinking?
They'll never get more since they don't see the joy in giving.

Sleep, wake.
Dreams don't come easily.
Because I'm always dreaming, probably.
Shake, awake.
Finding refuge hard to take.
So I lie awake."

(written 10/2009)

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We take steps toward the future every second but this feels like a giant leap.
So I can't be a kid forever; but who decides that for me?
I'm done saying I'm going to change I'm going to take responsibility.
But even if I wasn't willing, the choice is not up to me.

Every second I get older, but the worlds not spinning any slower.
I know i can't be seventeen forever, but if i could I'd like to stay here a while longer.
I'm not yet ready for this change.
Though I guess everything else stays the same just give that number known as age a new name.

Give me a breath in and when I exhale I'll be the same person, letting go of and gaining some burdens.
So I'll take responsibility, just don't add more years to me.
Telling myself that I'm still very young. And it hits me, i realize, that truly my life has just begun.

Every second I get older, but the worlds not spinning any slower.
I know i can't be seventeen forever, but if i could I'd like to stay here a while longer.
I'm not yet ready for this change.
Though I guess everything else stays the same just give that number known as age a new name.

So I can sign my own papers now. Take the blame for it all.
Maybe it's natural to be scared of this step, probably because there's no turning back.
Going to take what I've learned, show the whole world it's my turn to find the adult that's been growing within me.
Soon I'll find out just what exactly that means.

_________________________(written 10/2009) ________________________________________________