Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Novelty vs. Predictability

So what's next? I ask myself this question everyday. I wake up to a new day but it always feels the same. I am ready for an entire new book but have yet to move on to a new chapter. Where does this leave me? I feel lost in translation somehow. I have so many aspirations, so many dreams. So many things pull me down to what I have become. When I was younger it used to be so easy...I would wake up every day with a new schedule or a new adventure, it didn't even need to be planned. I want to be novelty. I guess I don't know what the word means anymore. Here I am at a school that I hate, I almost feel as if school is not for me at all. I don't even know who I am anymore, I am just a mold of something that society has made me. So I claim to be an individual. What does it mean to be an "individual" in this day and age?

Is it rude to say that i could use some new friends in my life, people who will take me places. Maybe this new friend I speak of is really myself... I need a new self? Well that just sounds ridiculous. I think what I am really striving for is to be less predictable. Breckenridge, Colorado here I come! Is that crazy enough? Is that distinguishable? Here I have grown up in a town that I couldn't wait to get out of and now that I am gone I find myself counting down the days until I get to go home. Traverse City, you never let me down... I find my old self, the self I really miss, there. Maybe I shouldn't go so far away. But maybe I still need to find that place I set out to find. Maybe there is a different place where I can find myself a new. Until then I'll confide in some good music, a good read, or a good friend.

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