From The End Of A New Beginning To The Next

Summer break.
What am i to do now? 
Before i got back i had all these expectations, all these things i wanted to get done. But since i got home, just yesterday, i already find myself sitting on my ass thinking about how i need to get a job...or some more friends...either one works. 
I have realized that it is not good to set high expectations for something because once you do that anything below what you expected seems miserable. If you set the bar high and don't reach it, there is a void. Setting low expectations makes things seem better than ever...the smallest things are enjoyed much more thoroughly when you are expecting them to completely suck.


I forgot how much more thinking i do when i am home; maybe it is this room, this house, this town. Most likely it is all of the above.
I need to stop that. thinking. i do way too much of it. it keeps me up at night.
At night my thoughts are a random spew of my life flashing before my eyes. 
I think about the past: things i should have done, what i could have done better, what played out perfectly and what moments I would never change; 
the present: how I am going to spend my time day to day, things i need to get done, am I missing out on anything;
the future: am I making the right choices about the future, will i be happy with those choices, who will i meet, who will i be.


Not only is it enough that i have continuous streams of thoughts about my own hopes and worries but I also worry for other people: my family and my friends. I have a problem. Or maybe I have many problems. Kelly, Wendels that is, told me yesterday that i am one of those crazy people who thinks they have a million problems that need to be fixed. Thanks Kelly. That makes me feel better. :)
I do slightly agree with her though, no matter how ridiculous that sounds.


So, summer break is here, but its not really summer at all.  
It was really warm when i was in East Lansing and that made me excited for some nice weather in Traverse City, but when i got here i layered on the clothing and continue to be depressed about it. Another expectation that was not met, however small, it still effects me.
I suppose that there is not much i can do about my thought processes, but i can control what i make of the next 4 months at home. I am going to start doing that. Maybe over the next 4 months I'll write more often on this blog, but i wont set any expectations to.